Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
high people should be assigned attendants
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will pee on everything he values.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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