YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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