Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
