IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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