Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
