FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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