I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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