I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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