hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
