all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
