no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
