Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
