how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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