We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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