I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
