shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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