dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
