there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
