she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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