she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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