We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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