then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
