But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
