So gin and wine won't be happening again
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
