just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
