So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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