Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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