I feel great
I just peed on a car
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's just like the Real World with babies
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
