this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
