Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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