Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
