textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
