haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
