maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
