yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
