just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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