Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
