Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
