well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
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