I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
