She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
