The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
