if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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