She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
