Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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