I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize