Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
