Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
