No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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