Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
