Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Randomize
