why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
