He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
