And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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