Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
