i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
