She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Who died my cat blue again?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
