turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
birth control should be required to get into college
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Randomize
