Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
