So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
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