he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
