Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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