My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
