he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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