I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
