it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
