He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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