would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
