You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
