i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
