it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
