Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
