Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
