Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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